In response to Matticus, I weigh anchor on this issue of class based love. How can I not? There ain’t no class nowhere that matches the sheer lovin’ prowess of a mage.
Flexible Partnerships
Mages can commit to one lover, or two, or three, or a dozen, if need be. Snuggle up against yer femme mage, an’ suggest ye bring in somebody else… mebbe a shammy (totems), an’ she’ll be up fer it. Mages be just as strong wit AoE as they be wit one target.
Bigger and Better CoC
Mages be the only class in the game what can improve their CoC. A 45% improvement, ta be exact. Ladies and wenchies, trust me on this ‘un… there ain’t nothin’ that can match a fully specced CoC.
Magic Hands
Say what ye like about wiggly hand motions, we mages know how to use we hands. Whether ye wan’ it ta be hot, or cold, or jus’ damn fine, we got ya covered. Wanna bring a block of ice inta th’bedroom? We got it. Wanna have us focus our magics into the best damn massage ya ever had? We got it. Wanna experience the “breath” of a dragon itself, without all the pointy? We damn well got it.
If’n it pleases ye, a mage can even go Slow…
Magic Wands
Need I say more?
Experimentation
We mages are a class that loves ta fool around. Tryin’ out completely new spells, new… accessories, experimentin’ wit new “rotations”, it’s what we do best. Magi spend literally hours researchin’ and testin’ methods that are guaranteed to produce the best results.
Fire in the hole!
Thar be nobody around who can match the sheer fiery passion of a mage. Priests can boast about they inner fire all they wish; our fire is all on the outside. We got balls o’ fire, and we be unafeared o’ usin’ ’em. There’s a fire in our soul, and it’s burnin’ wit a passion for thee. Hot Streak and Firestarter be more than just words.
Kinky Stuff
Snares? Check. Silence? Check. Wish ta play wit Sheep or Pigs? We mages can provided all that an’ so much more! Penguins, and even turtles, if that’s how ye roll. It’ll take some convinvin’ and grindin’ though, ta get ye olde loggerhead outta his shell.
Ever heard of the Arctic Reach around?
DISCLAIMERS
- Dating and/or bedding a mage can have very serious side effects. Please note the following:
- Some mages suffer from a burning determination, and are immune to any silence or interrupting effects. These mages will likely never listen to you, and should you dump them, they will follow you to the ends of the world.
- Sometimes, mage “spells” can carry quite an impact. Use protection. Bring a Paladin if your mage is abnormally eager.
- Please be aware that quite a few mages are very… erm, fast. Blazing fast. Plan accordingly.
- Some mages have very cold hands. This phenomenon is referred to as “Fingers of Frost”. It is thought that this ailment stems from the Icy Veins that quite a few mages suffer from. Try lighting a fire beforehand, get those chilled to the bone hands warmed up a little. Beware of frostbite.
- Not all mages have a staff.
- Mages quite often erect powerful emotional barriers around themselves. While this can make them seem quite distant, please do not be alarmed. Mages are quite adept at dealing with things at range. Also, bear in mind that shattering these barriers can cause a mage to snap.
- Mages are capable of vanishing on you just as fast as any rogue. Unfortunately, whereas a rogue will sometimes disappear merely to get to a more advantageous position, when a mage turns up invisible, he’s likely running as fast as he can go.
- Mages can also suffer very seriously from burnout. Please use appropriate lubricant, and give your mage time to recover if s/he shows signs of wearing out. Do not hesitate to help your mage get some more stamina, it is an area where all mages are somewhat lacking.
Euri…
Buddy…
A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end
And you may think it’s tragic
That no matter how strong or thick or long
All he can do with it is magic.
http://www.lspace.org/fandom/songs/wizards-staff.html
Oh and you did one too! I just enjoyed the one at FITNB. This one’s great as well. I just couldn’t come up with anything….
/bow
I was trying to come up with something hilarious but all I managed was the following:
–Spirit Link makes us Shaman great for threesomes.
–Nothing like popping Heroism in the sack. (Bloodlust is cooler but doesn’t make much sense, unless you’re really into S&M)
Sorta meh, but whatever.
Rofl, you got called “Euri”
It’ll never stop.
I though about this a bit, and realized that Blizzard designed the Hunter as a one-night-stand class. Endulge me a second:
The Tauren Hunter walks into the tavern and puts his HUNTER’S MARK on a Blood Elf Priest who’s got some FLARE. He used his COBRA REFLEXES to DASH to her side and begins to fill her ear with BEAST LORE. Since he’s had his EAGLE EYE (EYES OF THE BEAST really) on her he’s explained the other guys in the tavern are only on the PROWL and only want to DIVE into her sleeping quarters and DISENGAGE and treat her with AVOIDANCE because they COWER to such a beautiful woman. The Tauren assures her that he will release THE BEAST WITHIN if she allows him to bed her. Promises of allowing her to GROWL, CLAW, SCREECH, GORE, and BITE echo in her head as they take a Netherdrake to her place.
Once there the Tauren does not CHARGE in to RAPID FIRE her EXPLOSIVE TRAP just to brag to his buddies he gave it the KILL COMMAND. While she gets ready he tends to himself, making sure he does not have LIGHTNING BREATH or POISON SPIT. The Hunter’s pet is a TAME BEAST, but he feels he must DISMISS PET because if he lets it in on the action he may have to REVIVE PET. He goes in the other room to FEED PET. That BEAST TRAINING sure paid off.
He is responsible and refuses to enter with his NATURAL ARMOR and puts on a SHELL SHIELD. With his GREAT STAMINA it is not difficult to keep a pace that pushes her into an ecstasy time WARP that brings out a FURIOUS HOWL from her that brings him to a STEADY SHOT. As a matter of fact he releases a VOLLEY of them…a MULTI-SHOT if you will. As they rest for the next round her father comes home. This forces him to CALL PET and use a little MISDIRECTION to take on the ASPECT OF THE MONKEY and leap from her window into the night never to be heard from again.
You know, you forgot the number one ability that makes mages the best lover.
Blink.
Husband comes home early? Jump out the window and blink to safety without sustaining falling damage!
Blink away from the female (or male) lovers you have scorned.
Etc etc