A long, long time ago, I got to blather for an hour or something on the Twisted Nether Blogcast. One of the many strange and disturbing topics I brought up was the sheer power that mages hold over all of the other, lesser mortals.
So, for all of you out there who aren’t up to snuff on the lore of Azeroth, here’s a new series of posts detailing the exploits of mages past.
Some of them are dead, some of them are alive. Some of them tried to destroy the world and everything in it, some of them tried to save the world. Some of them lived for centuries, some of them were time travelers.
In all cases, however, anyone who called them water vendors met with a rather sudden end.
Aegwynn, second last Guardian of Tirisfal
A quick history lesson. The Order of Tirisfal was an organization founded by both humans and high elves with the hope of creating ridiculously powerful mages to defend the world against demonic forces.
Apparently the Burning Legion has been attempting to destroy Azeroth for a very long time, and constantly fails like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.
Anyway, so the Order basically appointed an already powerful mage as a Guardian, and this Guardian was given all sorts of dandy powers and the gift of living for an extremely long time.
Aegwynn was trained (along with four other apprentices) by Scavell, the current Guardian. However, Aegwynn was a she. Sexism was a major factor, but Aegwynn managed to become the best in a girl power montage.
At the end of the movie, she became the new Guardian, and there was much applause and she got to date the hot guy she was lusting after the entire movie, roll credits, I hope you’re happy feminists because a happy ending was impossible without the hot guy.
Ack! Seriously, screw you Hollywood. Where do you get your writers? Pizza Hut?
Actually, that’s a slight on the writers at Pizza Hut. I’ve seen some truly genius bathroom graffiti.
But I digress. (See, I can start a paragraph without using the letter “A”).
So Aegwynn kicked some demons and stuff, and like everyone else famous, went to Northrend. There were some demons there hunting dragons, so she showed up and turned them into ash via lots and lots of fire. But then OH NOES Sargeras arrived somehow!
So she beat him into submission too. And then locked him up in a big old prison thingy near the Maelstrom.
Like many people who just defeated the most powerful evil being in the history of everything, she came down with a serious case of asshattery.
She felt she no longer had to pay attention to anyone else, and basically decided to do whatever the hell she wanted. So she kicked back, slept with pretty elf boys and went to all sorts of shady parties for the next 778 years.
Then she decided it was time to settle down, have a kid, and turn that kid into the next Guardian. She set her sights on Nielas Aran, the most powerful Conjuror on Azeroth (whom y’all probably know better as Shade of Aran).
Nielas Aran, upon hearing the news that Aegwynn had fallen in love with him, high fived himself and said “Score!” Upon discovering that Aegwynn only wanted to jump his arcane missile (if you catch my drift), his reaction did not change. In fact, there may have been several high fives.
So Aegwynn and Aran had some good times. She moved during his Flame Wreath, if you know what I mean.
Little baby Medivh was born a little later, Aegwynn transferred a bunch of her powers into the wee thing, then ditched him with his dad and rushed off back to Quel’Thalas or wherever and resumed snorting Arcane Powder.
The power inside Medivh was programmed to bloom when he reached physical maturity. However, when he reached this momentous occasion, it was just far too much for him to control properly, and it went everywhere, killing his dad and leaving him comatose.
Guys, if you’ve ever been embarrassed about being caught “reaching physical maturity”, you’ve got nothing on Medivh.
Twenty years later, Medivh awoke and promptly “assured” the clergy of Northshire that he was in full control of his powers. If you catch my drift.
Aegwynn, however, suspected something was up (nudge, nudge). Imagine her surprise when Medivh’s second act of consciousness was to travel to a swamp, make a giant portal, then summon a bajillion bloodthirsty orcs into Azeroth so they could kill stuff.
She tried to convince him to stop destroying the world, but SURPRISE TWIST it turns out he was Sargeras in disguise all along! Sargeras, apparently unwilling to slaughter old ladies, banished her from his sight.
In an effort to “spread” the “word” of Medivh’s “evil”, Aegwynn had an “audience” with King Llane. Llane “listened” gratefully. If you know what I mean (Llane was an excellent listener.)
So some stuff happened. Things died, stuff burned, and then Medivh died. I don’t know, a huge war was fought or something.
While alive, Medivh had stripped his mom (wink wink) of all of her powers, except the whole “immune to old age” thing. So she moved to Kalimdor, set up a house, a wee garden for wholesome food, and probably got some cats too.
She hatched a master plan to resurrect her son, as she was unsatisfied with only one attempt to end the world. It took her 21 years to save up the mana (she needed more spirit gear), but she finally managed to rez him. And then promptly went back to her garden and cats.
At least, until some flouncy chick named Jaina Proudmoore showed up and said the (now classic) porno introduction line “seen any thunder lizards around here?”
Some more stuff happened, there were demons and warlocks involved, and basically Jaina nearly died. Aegwynn, never one to miss an opportunity for innuendo, “supplemented” Jaina with her final resources of magic.
By all rights, this should have killed her. Instead she didn’t! Yay!
Anyway, she now serves as an advisor to Jaina Proudmoore in Theramoore, apparently content to tell no one that her crazy ass son is still out there.
“But I digress. ”
Thats not a paragraph! 🙂
you crack me up…..funny stuff. Thanks for a good laugh at work!
Hmm, this loosely resembles what I read in “The Last Guardian.”
Although it wasn’t quite as simple as Sargeras in disguise, although he was inside Medivh… he was more like that annoying personality that tries to take over your body, THEN the world.
And we can’t forget all the crazy timeline weirdness at Med’s crib, Karazhan.
Hi Euripedes,
I found your blog from MendPet’s link list. It looks pretty good, and you’re with no shortage on content 🙂
Anyway, I was wondering if you might be interested in a link exchange? Feel free to check out my blog and let me know if you’re interested.
Oh, and mages = epic 🙂
Ithiel
WoWFailBlog.com
Lol another nice and humorous article. Very nice.
k. now I’m really confused. So Sargeras’s spirit entered Aegwynn without her knowing, and when she had Medhiv she transfered Sargeras to him? So he’s not in her? And he built the portal, and not that ne queen?
Holy smokes, that girl was messed up!
Stop making me laugh at work till I snort coffee all over my computer monitor! Makes it difficult to convince my bosses I’m not slacking off…
That was totally classic stuff. I almost fell out of my chair at work.
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[…] CriticalQQ is exploring the major lore character of Azeroth that are Mages. […]
[…] CriticalQQ is exploring the major lore character of Azeroth that are Mages. […]
@ Phil… there have been a couple of dark portal opened up. Queen Azshara and her band of nasties made their portal thousands of years before that nutter made his.
Amazing post, Rip, thank you. I require more of these… stories… as sustenance.
@ phil
Queen Azshara made hers back when Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms were just one big ol’ happy go fun continent.
Though it isn’t out of the question for her to make a new one. She isn’t dead or anything.
Other than that, you basically summarized it nicely.
@ Goratrix
It is so a paragraph! Just… a very small one.
@ Syrana
I have a very strange way of looking at lore…
Am I the only one who thought that a Pinky and the Brain style show starring Medivh and Sargeras would be awesome?
“One is a demon, the other’s insane!”
@ Ithiel
I’ve long since restricted what my blog links to, in an effort to avoid gigantic blogroll bloat.
In order for me to link to another site/blog, it needs to either have a focus on Mages or PvP (or bring either of those up on a very regular basis), or be a useful resource site for mages.
This is no slight on your site, not by any means, but it doesn’t seem like you fit those categories.
[…] CriticalQQ is exploring the major lore character of Azeroth that are Mages. […]
“stripped his mom (wink wink)”
ah.. funny and so, so wrong all at the same time. Good stuff, as always XD
[…] The Mana Loom: Aegwynn A long, long time ago, I got to blather for an hour or something on the Twisted Nether Blogcast. One of the many […] […]
I think the Pinky and the Brain style is very fitting for Medivh and his Sargeras inhabited self! And I like your strange way of looking at the lore. 😉
[…] the rest here: The Mana Loom: Aegwynn March 09th, 2009 | Category: 1, Hell, QQ, Surprise, TOS, World of Warcraft Blogs, art, azeroth, […]
Is it just me or is Aegwynn like the MILF of choice for Warcraft lore? I mean I’m not a guy so I wouldn’t know, but…
That is meant in the most complimentary way by the way >.>
MILF of choice. Rofl. (You’re basically right.)
Reading The Last Guardian, or for that matter the Warcraft Archive (compilation of 4 books) gives you a different perspective on the game. I’d reccomend it.
– Sam
This QQ blog is the only blog I’ve found funny/interesting since at least 2000. Keep up the content and I’ll keep reading…
Also congrats on making lore something that I’d actually take the time to read through 😀
I take pride in the fact that I have basically ruined Aegwynn related WoW lore for my readers.
For me, I can’t even think about the Shade of Aran fight without giggling anymore.
“Burn in righteous fire!” Oh, I bet. I bet.
[…] CriticalQQ is exploring the major lore character of Azeroth that are Mages. […]
[…] The Mana Loom: Aegwynn @ Critical QQ Euripedes tells the tale of Aegwynn and the birth of Medivh in a short summary. It’s sure to quash your weekly desire for lore AND sexual innuendos all in one sitting! Highlights from the Blogosphere is my weekly Friday post to share some of the interesting, funny or informative blog posts I’ve read over the past week. […]
Thanx ppl who answered my ?s and thanx for the post 🙂