It be thanksgiving up here in Canadia, so I’m spending some quality watching TV with the family. I didn’t even play WoW yesterday.
In lieu of an actual post featuring actual things, here’s my dad with a couple stories.
I knew this guy when I was a youngster, Gary. His whole family were christians, real bible thumper types. Every Hallowe’en, Gary’s house was our first stop.
His mom would always cook up hot dogs, a lot of hot dogs. My friends and I would swing by, inhale five or six hotdogs apiece, and she’d be cooking more, saying “Eat more! Eat eat!”
Well, ok! So we ate.
We’d always invite Gary to come trick or treating with us, but he’d always decline “No, no, I can’t, it’s the holiday of the devil” and so forth.
Well, ok Gary. Thanks for the hot dogs!
Fast forward five years.
I’m working at a gas station, and this harley pulls into the station to fill up. The guy’s got long hair, a huge beard, arms covered in tattoos, piercings everywhere, very well muscled. The kind of guy that always makes you nervous.
He comes in, stops, and shouts “RYAN!” (Not actually the name of my dad.)
“Don’t you remember me?”
*Mental wheels turning furiously*
“My mom always made those fucking hot dogs?”
“Oh! GARY!” *looks pointedly at tattoos*
“I guess I changed a little, huh?”
“Yeah, you used to never come trick or treating with us!”
“I go treating or treating all the time now!”
Then he turned to the old lady behind him and yelled “TRICK OR TREAT!”
You know Jehovah’s Witnesses? They’re the same all over the world, anyone can identify them from miles away. Nice pants, nice shirt, name tag, clean shaven, bible and magazines under their arms.
There was this new subdivision of homes in Abbotsford, relatively new, about 300 houses. These two Jehovah’s Witnesses were going house to house, everyone saw them.
They’d head up, knock or ring the doorbell, and try to talk to the occupant about God. Then they’d move to the next, and so on.
Then, at one house, a man answered the door, and the two Witnesses produced guns from somewhere and shot the guy to death. They got back into their car and drove off.
Hitmen, it would seem. Didn’t know where the guy was, so they went door to door witnessing for God to fnd him.
Well over 500 witnesses to the hit, and nobody knew anything.
What were they wearing?
“Black dress pants, white shirt…”
Any distinguishing features? Tattoos?
“Of course not! They were Jehovahs! You know, no facial hair, little name tag?”
What did the name tag say?
“Church of Latter Day Saints or something.”
Well, did you get a good look at them?
“I spoke to them!”
What did they say?
“I dunno, I yelled at them to go away and slammed the door. That’s what you’re supposed to do!”