BBB asks “what… behaviour… pisses you off the most?”
I thought, at first, my answer might be something like “the guy that doesn’t even try to learn their class” or “the dude who chronically forgets to repair”.
But what I truly hate, what I truly despise, what truly revolts me, is passive-aggressive behaviour.
It’s similar to saying “uh” or “uhm” or chronically throwing the word “like” into places where the word most certainly doesn’t belong. I didn’t used to mind; hell, three years ago words like “uh” were an important part of my vocabulary.
But now? I hate it. I hate it so much. I try very, very hard to avoid ever using a word which functions as little more than a filler to allow my brain to catch up with my mouth. So far, I have managed to excise “uhm” completely from my speech, though the odd “uh” slips through sometimes.
The word “like” in the “like, totally” definition has been the hardest to get rid of. It’s a quick, easy replacement for words such as “as in”, “for example”, or… “such as”. I still say it in that context every now and then, and oh how do I loathe that word. I physically injure myself every time I say it.
Likewise, I didn’t have a problem with passive aggressive behaviours and ways of dealing with people three or four years ago. But now? Nothing can get me into a spittle inducing rage faster.
It’s not the guy who doesn’t even try to learn his class, it’s the guy who doesn’t even try to learn his class and blames someone else.
It’s not the guy who chronically forgets to repair his gear, it’s the guy who chronically forgets to repair his gear and blames the tank for his repair bill.
At it’s core, passive-aggression is a defense mechanism. Rather than dealing with hostility/anger/frustration up front, it’s dealt with in a devious manner. Maybe sarcasm. Maybe humor. Maybe the simple act of not naming names.
Maybe passive-aggression isn’t the right word. Cleverly (or not so cleverly) making excuses and justifications for your screw ups, preferably to make yourself look good (and others look bad) falls under my “insta-rage” button, too.
The rogue who stands in poison/whirlwind/fire, dies, and says “NICE HEALS” usually causes me to hulk out.
Why it’s used as a defensive mechanism is beyond my tenuous grasp of psychology. Maybe they don’t want to look bad in front of their peers. Maybe they fear confrontation. Maybe Gevlon knows exactly which ape subroutines are at work here, I certainly don’t.
What I do know is that it pisses me off, even more so when I catch myself doing it.
The worst part is that it’s so hard to catch when you do it. It’s not all conscious, a fair amount of it is unconscious. In the same way you would speed up or slow down to match the pace of someone you are walking/talking with, it’s something you don’t really control. You just do it, and you don’t know why. A guildie asks you to run him through Scarlet Monastery. You feel guilty about refusing. WHY?!
Why is it so hard to just NAME names? Why is it so hard to just say “alright, you, mr. death knight, YES YOU, you screwed up, don’t do it again”? Why is it so hard to speak up in vent and say “the holy paladin killed us all by taunting. Don’t do that again, and we’ll be fine”?
More importantly, why is it so hard for the person who did the screwing up to just own up to it, and move on?
This, more than anything else about human behaviour, makes me angry.
I have a friend, he plays a death knight, and he usually tanks. If and when he screws up, nearly immediately he’ll come on vent and say “sorry guys, that was all me, my bad D:”. (I don’t really know how he manages to pronounce capital dee colon, it’s a rather unique skill.)
His honesty is unique and refreshing. It’s like a breath of fresh air. And it boils my blood (pun fully intended) that this honesty is unique.
There’s a commenter here, a fellow guildie, by the name of Ghostkid. He’s in the same boat. He always owns up to his mistakes, and sometimes owns up to mistakes he didn’t even make. It’s fantastic, even if he is too self-deprecating for his own good.
Why is the whole passive-aggressive circlejerk considered the norm? Why is it unusual to find someone willing to take responsibility for their actions?
We’re adults here. We’re mature. We can take criticism, we can handle a little bit of confrontation.
From here on out, I resolve to be more assertive. More upfront. If you suck, if you screw up, I’m calling you on it. If I become a total dick in the process, that’s fine, I can take it, I’m the Dark Knight…
On the flip side of that, I resolve to own up to my own mistakes. To purge myself of any and all passive-aggressive behaviours, to stop making excuses for my errors and take responsibility for them.
Here’s to a new, egotistical, elitist me.