Hey, there, loyal readers of my pointless ramblings! Welcome back to the blog I used to update frequently!
I’d like to say I was busy with this, or that, or dealing with University or something, but none of that’s true.
I’ve been playing tons of Rock Band 2, Sins of a Solar Empire, and TF2. With WoW occasionally sandwiched in between bouts of gaming my face off.
Which neatly brings me to my first rant of the night.
“Why do you spend so much time playing Rock Band/Guitar Hero? Why not go learn to play a real instrument?”
Allow me to answer your question with a questions of my own.
Why do you spend so much time playing GTA? Why not go buy a gun, steal a car, and go run over real people?
Why do you spend so much time playing Call of Duty? Why not go join a real army and shoot real people?
Why do you spend so much time stomping on turtles in Mario? Why not go stomp on real turtles and eat real mushrooms?
Why do you spend so much time raiding in WoW? Why don’t you go tame a real tiger and shoot arrows at real people wearing dresses?
Why do you spend so much time playing the Sims? Why don’t you just turn the computer off and actually cook meals/get a job/go swimming/flirt with your neighbour?
Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.
These are called video games. They are fun. They are amusing. They are diverting.
I have zero interest in actually learning to play bass. I have no desire whatsoever to have thousands of people watch me rock out on stage.
Why do I play Rock Band then?
Because it’s fun!
“But those examples aren’t the same!” some of you cry.
Actually, yes, yes they are. They are video games; they are intended to be awesome, fun things to do.
Get your head out of your ass and stop pretending you’re superior to your fellow gamers.
And so, here’s a story that’ll make you feel superior to me. Heh.
I play a lot of games. I’ve been gaming as far back as I can remember. Even before I had a SNES, I played those dinky one-game handheld things that you could buy for a dollar at RadioShack.
There’s an odd effect that I find is summarized quite neatly in that little comic.
It’s surreal when it happens to you, where your brain will simply automatically try to do something that doesn’t actually work in the real world.
I was shopping, picking up juice, milk, butter, eggs, cheese, you know, the usual, and my shopping cart was getting pretty full. It was heavy, and as such was difficult to steer and stop.
A part of my mind was concerned about hitting someone when I leave an aisle.
So, naturally, the logical conclusion would be to zoom out, or at least switch to third person and pan the camera around to see if there was anyone there I’d bump into.
So I stopped, and spent a good four seconds attempting to zoom out in the juice aisle at the Superstore. The middle finger of my right hand instinctively tried to use a scroll wheel, and I sort of leaned my head back in an effort to get the “camera” further away from my body.
Fortunately, I managed to catch myself before I referred to the check out as a checkpoint.
Though I did spend about an hour utterly frustrated that real life had so cruelly restricted me to a first person view. How the hell am I supposed to maintain environmental awareness when I can’t see fully half of what’s going on around me?
And why is it so damn difficult to make a six check without looking hyper paranoid?
Alright, fine. I’ll admit it. I’m sort of a recluse.
It’s not my fault, really. It’s just the more I find out about how the “real” world works, the more I realize that the “real” world is in desperate need of a hard reset.
For instance, American car insurance.
I found out how it works the other day, and I laughed, as I thought I had just been told a rather amusing joke.
Haha, oh man, you mean the insurance you pay for only covers damages you inflict on other people? Good one! Hey, I got one about this orc who has a parrot on his shoulder. So, the orc walks into a…
Wait, you’re serious? Ok, really, it was funny the first time, but now…
I had no idea that the american automotive insurance industry was developed by a cat with Down’s.
Honestly, now. How is it possible for human beings to come up with such an utterly retarded system?
That would be like having life insurance, but where your insurance company only pays the people you kill.