Not to be confused Alphabet Soup, Delphibet Soup’s younger, insane sibling.
Alphabet Soup has the unique property of spewing gibberish when asked questions.
Delphibet Soup has the unique property of giving highly accurate predictions, whether you ask it or not. 75% accuracy, according to the bowl here.
You have no idea how difficult it was to make the “%” sign with a single noodle. Maybe if I sharpened the spoon…
OH GOD THERE’S BLOOD EVERYWHERE WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
I’ll let the Soup take over from here, shall I?
Evocation isn’t done yet. By year’s end, expect Evocation to be more like the current Aspect of the Viper, with either no cooldown or a very short one (under a minute). Arcane Flows will be changed to reduce whatever the penalty mechanic is put into play.
Arcane Barrage will be nerfed. Sooner rather than later. So will Glyph of Evocate, at least in the short term.
Frost will be buffed. A lot. It will be brought in line with the other mage specs from a raiding perspective. This will result in frost being immensely overpowered in PvP for a short time. A Deep Freeze mechanic change will tone down the PvP strength of frost mages, while keeping their raiding viability just as good.
Expect a mechanic to be introduced that revolves around Ice Block being used in an offensive manner. In the same vein as Glyph of Ice Block, but more powerful and for deep frost mages only. For instance, automatically resetting the cooldown on Icy Veins, thus allowing a frost mage to chain four IV’s back to back.
Ice Barrier receives a similar change, though to a far smaller extent…
Glyph of Ice Barrier – If dispelled, the dispeller is immediately rooted for eight seconds.
Mechanic added to Shattered Barrier to give the talent raid relevancy. Arctic Winds reduced to three talent points to compensate.
Water Elementals buffed. Mana regeneration mechanic slightly amplified, Elementals finally given 75% AoE protection. This protection will either be made base line or added into the Improved Water Elemental talent.
Frostfire Bolt nerfed, just a little. Expect something like allowing talents to reduce it’s cast time to 2.5 seconds, and then balacing the spell’s base damage around that cast speed.
Spirit isn’t done yet. A bandaid is currently in the works (who called it?!); this is only the beginning. Expect a more complete overhaul of how spirit works for mages slowly introduced in the coming months. This and Evocate changes will likely be tightly linked.
Arcane tree trimmed to remove bloat. At least one talent will be reduced from 5 points to 3 points, and adjusted so as not to be a nerf. Most likely Mind Mastery, though Arcane Mind and Missile Barrage are also solid condidates. Slim chance that Arcane Stability will receive the same treatment.
Ignite fixed, sort of. Multiple attempts to solve ignite issues. Every solution leads to another, even stranger bug that proves even more difficult to solve. Eventually, the ignite mechanic is scrapped and rebuilt from the ground up, though it does basically the same thing. Just without bugs this time.
The Blizzard spell will receive similar treatment in regards to it’s snare effect.
Flamestrike buffed. Not by much, but a little.
Master of Elements moved to be more accessible to non-heavy fire builds, or the early fire tree is adjusted to be more receptive to deep arcane or frost builds.
Mana Gem mechanics changed to match new Warlock Soul Shard mechanics. Rather than having to summon and refresh mana gems when the stack runs out, a class quest (or trainable ability) is introduced that awards the mage, basically, an infinite mana gem.
Exactly the same thing mages have now, except it’s permanent. Can be used every two minutes to refund mana. No longer shares a cooldown with any other item or ability, such as Healthstones.
Conjured mana gems, however, remain, except now they can be traded to other classes in an identical fashion to Healthstones. These, however, still share a cooldown.
Deep Fire PvP viability buffed significantly. All three trees become viable in arenas, depending somewhat on team composition. A PvP fire mage, for instance, will gain a huge benefit from having a Rogue or Paladin on the team for on demand stuns.
A Legendary caster item is introduced. Shamans and Druids are barred from using it. There is much QQ.
Ten Awesome Things that Should Happen but Won’t
People complain about mages being overpowered. Blizzard tells them to go suck a lemon.
Cooldown on Presence of Mind removed.
Ice Block obeys the laws of gravity, allowing mages to instantly kill opponents from a high enough height. Title introduced for 200 kills in this manner, “the Mario”. Faxmonkey produces video of himself one shotting Outland world bosses with this mechanic.
One of the bosses in Ice Crown Citadel turns out to be Kael’thas, this time resurrected as a powerful lich. Upon being killed, he states “Please… let me die…”. Later, in the mecha-gnome raid instance, Kael’thas returns again, this time as a brain in a jar, controlling a gigantic robotic scorpion.
Leather jackets and chaps introduced into the game.
In a smooth move of commercialization and awesome, all in-game motorcycles become Harleys.
A Mad Max style instance is implemented, only motorcycle owners may enter the instance.
All motorcycle owners may equip and use guns. Hunters may dual wield guns. A RoboCop WoW machinima is finally made.
New sound files introduced for all choppers and cycles. These are extremely loud. There is much QQ. Nobody can hear them, because of the sound of awesome.
Engineering declared sexiest profession ever.