There is plenty of food to be eaten in WoW. There are sausages, various types of fish, even steak from endangered species.
I’m calling it now, the Shoveltusk are an endangered species. I hate those damn things so much, I make it a point to kill as many of them as possible. And then sell their skins for profit. You think the Tuskar were a little ticked off about that Big Roy thing?
Just wait until they find out about all those Shoveltusk.
Nesingwary has got nothing on me.
(Random update: 80, and kinda freaking out. Things drop that are technically an upgrade, but they have obvious healy stuff on them like mp5. No one else wants them, so I find myself sporting healer stats. I am deeply ashamed.)
There is, strangely enough, only one type of bacon in the game. And that is the Helboar bacon.
Disturbingly enough, it’s only available as a one time quest reward.
This means that your average WoW character only ever gets to eat bacon around five times in the entirety of their life. Some players probably vendor it without ever tasting it, others might eat it sometimes, while still others will hunt down the first two and buy the bacon from them.
Two reasons why this is strange:
1) The Helboar is among the most hated mobs in WoW, on par with Murlocs. Killing them, and eating their thoroughly cooked flesh should be a hobby of anyone who seriously quested in Hellfire Peninsula.
2) IT’S BLEEDING BACON!
WHY can’t my almighty mage, who can teleport to other planets and create pie from a mere thought, enjoy some damn bacon every now and then?
This has got to be the hugest oversight in the history of everything.
I can wipe out an entire herd of horses in seconds.
I can curb stomp Baron Rivendare without much effort.
I went back in time and put the smack down on Rage Winterchill because it was Wednesday.
And yet, I can’t enjoy some damn bacon whenever I feel like it.
There needs to be a faction in game that only deals with bacon. You are required to kill animals, strip them of their flesh, and then cook the flesh. There are trainers that teach you how to make bacon, and you don’t need to be a cook because IT’S FRIGGIN BACON IT’S NOT HARD TO MAKE. Seriously, cold cereal is more difficult.
All players automatically start at Exalted, because that’s just how awesome bacon is.
Today was shopping day. Groceries had run so low, that my food options consisted of “corn flakes” and “rotten hallowe’en decorations”.
You know what I did?
I bought some bacon.
I bought A LOT of bacon.
TWELVE POUNDS of bacon.
And you know what I did?
I ATE THE DAMN BACON.
IT WAS DELICIOUS.
And I think I overcompensated because I ate a very large amount of bacon like I’m talking probably two pounds of the stuff in forty minutes and I can’t feel my legs and there’s this stuffed dog and I don’t know where it came from I think it’s a dog or maybe a bear.