This post is not about World of Warcraft, so feel free to mark as read, skip it, whatever it is.
I will hide the majority of this rant behind the page jump so those of you who do not wish to read this do not have to.
Also, there is adult language. Things like Stupid and Dumb, but in their somewhat meaner forms.
Fact: in Age of Conan, female melee characters produce much lower DPS than male melee characters.
My initial reaction was as follows: what the bloody hell?!
After giving it some thought, and a little in game testing, I came to the following conclusion: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!
As it turns out, female characters are bugged. Horribly slow. The animations for the females are different from the animations for the males. Obviously.
The animations for the female characters are slower than the males. Meaning, all of their attacks hit just as hard, there’s just more time between attacks for all female classes. This is especially true with the combos AoC is so damn proud of. Some of them take much longer, I’m talking seconds longer, to complete as compared to the male ones.
How the hell can you miss a bug like this? How is it physically possible to completely miss an entire fucking gender attacking slower? Were you too busy programming the boobs to bounce correctly?
HOW DO YOU MISS SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
It’s like “Oops, we forgot to put the code into the game that let’s spellcasters use instant abilities”.
So now they have to go back through and fix every single animation women do in melee combat. There are hundreds of these animations to redo.
I’m stunned to this day how an error this glaringly huge could have gone live. They managed to hotfix the basic attacks, all 3 of them, at least. So now male/female DPS is the same from level 1 to 2. Hoo-fucking-ray.
See, this is why WoW is so popular. All these other wannabe MMO’s keep doing shit that makes them look like their mom participated in binge drinking every weekend throughout her pregnancy.
I simply cannot play a game where they miss something this obvious until weeks after release. It makes me think “Ok, if they missed something this huge, just how many little things are completely fubar’d?”
I feel sorry for Age of Conan, being helmed by developers that require a handicap to play solitaire must be a painful experience.
Perhaps I’m being too harsh. Perhaps I should be nicer, after all, the launch was kinda rushed.
Perhaps the game developers could graduate from high school next time.