And I am an addict.
*Pause for effect*
I first tried it at 17, but… it just didn’t feel right to me, then. It hurt, I got nowhere, and all the little gnomes laughed at me.
I… tried it again at 29, succumbing to peer pressure. And… it was fun. I had fun. I wasn’t the best, but I was far from the worst. I wasn’t addicted, but it was fun, and I spent a lot of time doing it.
By 39… I was addicted. I would log in, and immediately queue up. And then I’d play. For hours. I had no real choice in the matter, to be honest.
And it’s continued. Thousands upon thousands of kills later, I’m still here. I may be 70 now, but I haven’t even slowed. Nay, I have, in fact, sped up.
I… I… *awkward pause*
I realized I had a problem, just now, in a brief bout of Warsong.
When I pumped my fists into the air shouting “YEAH!” after baiting a discipline priest into casting a heal, then destroying him.
When I lured a BM hunter into a trap, forced him to pop Bestial Wrath, and then watched him get slaughtered by most of my team.
When a Paladin had my flag, and was running away, and I was the only one close enough to kill him… I did so. And when I saw an alliance hunter running for the flag… I blinked. Right next to the flag. And returned it. And I typed in /cackle, both in game and in real life.
When I ran away from a fellow mage, and he chased me… expecting a free kill. I was, after all at half health / half mana, and he was at full. I lured him to the little hut where the restoration buff is. Right next to the graveyard.
Right where three Horde just respawned.
And I giggled as I watched a rogue rend his poor body limb from limb.
This… can’t be natural.
Me, shouting at my computer monitor, “YOU GOT RAPED, SON”
Me, cackling maniacally when I lead some poor, hapless fool to his rather bloody death.
Me, exulting in the chaos I am wreaking on people I have never met.
Me, reveling in the smell of freezer burned flesh as it shatters to pieces.
Me, watching humans, gnomes, elves, dwarves, and even a few of those blue space goat people, as they die. And loving every second of it.
I… I am addicted to PvP. I just… I just can’t sto-stop KILLING these people…
*Breaks down into rampant sobbing*
IS IT SO WRONG TO WANT TO KILL?
IS IT SO WRONG TO SEE A LIFE, AND WHOLLY DESIRE TO SNUFF IT OUT?
Thank you, for your time…
REVEREND SHMIRNOFF: Thank you for sharing that, Euripedes. The first step towards recovery is admitting you have an addiction. Thank you for coming today, and remember, feel free to help yourselves to some cookies at the back.