Image senselessly stolen from Ron Reznick, originally photographed in 2002.
Standing guard at Lumber Mill, all by my lonesome, I suddenly get sapped. Well, that isn’t an unusual occurrence, especially amongst little gnome roguelettes. They can’t get enough of me. Trinket on cooldown. Crap. Well, maybe I c- THERE HE IS!
Wait what? 2%?
He stabbed me twice, then fell over dead from the Molten Armor damage.
This perplexes me. Why would a rogue attack me when he had 2% health? What could have possibly be running through his mind? If he wanted to get dead quickly to make a trip to the graveyard, couldn’t he have simply jumped up and down spun in a circle? Maybe /dance?
Come to think of it, I would simply have /danced right back at him…
Why is it, then, that at this time last year I would have killed any and all alliance on sight, regardless of what they were doing, I am more than happy to goof off with them? Even in battlegrounds?
Level 61 druid with all of 3k hitpoints in AV? Killed without hesitation, regardless of the fact I get no honour, and this was back before the idea of reinforcements, too. A flagged level 33 alliance type fishing Stranglethorn? Very dead alliance. Flagged mage attempting to do an escort quest? I would do anything within my power to get them killed.
Now? I practically feel like I love them. That wee little shaman attempting to fish? I’d kill some mobs around him so he doesn’t aggro something and die. That mage doing that escort quest? By gum, I’ll help the bugger. I’ll even let him tag ’em, and won’t do much more damage than a Frost Nova + Ice Lance so he still gets the credit for the kill.
He is simply trying to level up, after all.
The druid in Alterac Valley is still extremely dead. It is a war, after all. Unless he /dances with me. In which case he gets nothing but hugs, licks, and flirtations.
I guess that makes me a carebear?
Which reminds me. Honestly, what is so bad about doing ridiculously silly things in battlegrounds?
Is it really so bad to convince a Paladin to follow you into, I dunno, let’s say Blacksmith where there’s 10+ alliance waiting, then have him Divine Intervention you once you get into the thick of them? Bonus points for being female, /dance, and nudity.
Or how about taking all of your clothes off, except pants, shoulders, and gloves, then run around punching people? Is that so wrong?
Attention Warriors everywhere: take off your pants. Seriously. It’s better that way.
Or how about refusing to attack hunters who have Sporebats as pets? Give ’em a big ol’ /hug, I say.
Speaking of nigh useless pets… why? Why would you, as a programmer, go through all the effort of having a nigh useless pet available? Supposedly, they’re all supposed to have their own little niche that they fill, so why do some get to be lame at best? It isn’t hard to think of some random ability for them to have to make them unique… but in a useful way.
Well. Except Striders. They’re awesome in their uselessness.
But pets like crabs and sporebats, just why? Is it really so hard to give them something cool to put them on par with pets like boars or cats?
Why not give sporebats the ability to add a stacking mp5 ability on the whole party whenever melee attacks crit, or something? Like a little mini shadow priest pet.
And why are shadow priests so darn complicated, anyways? I tried playing one, and I got so confused… “This one is a channeled ability that slows your target, and this one here is a damage over time ability. And so is this one, but whenever you deal damage it restores mana to the party. This one here is kinda similar, except it has a cast time and restores health… no wait… it’s the other way around. This one restores mana and… ok, the one where it looks like your touching them is good. Oh, and this one here is instant, it deals some heavy damage, but it also hurts you…”
MY BRAIN! ARGH! STOP HURTING IT!
(Insert Mind Flay pun here).
Why don’t people enjoy puns, anyways? It’s a clever thing to do, it requires a deep understanding of the English language and broad knowledge of largely irrelevant topics and useless tidbits. And, more importantly, the ability to summon said information and use it in a witty sense, constructing a sentence around it that would fit perfectly into the conversation regardless of whether there was a pun there.
This opposed to people who’s best insult is “faggot”? C’mon, people! Use your noggin for something besides bludgeoning children!