Posts Tagged ‘Squeegee’

Stonard? No? You Sure?


Mages are well known for their ability to provide transportation to their party members.

Even if said party members end up in a swamp instead of a floating city.

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The Ice Stone has Melted!

The Ice Stone has melted!

The Ice Stone has melted!

The following have melted:

  1. The Ice Stone
  2. The Ice Stone
  3. The Ice Stone

The Ice Stone has melted!

The Ice Stone has melted!

What has melted?

  • The Ice Stone!
  • Also the Ice Stone.

How many Ice Stones does it take to melt?

Just one! Over and over again…

The Ice Stone? How is it?


Always two, there are. The Ice Stone, and the melted.

Oh, I’m sorry, did I melt your Ice Stone?

Whhy sso mmelted…?

What do you call a melted Ice Stone? A melted Ice Stone!

The Ice Stone is working as intended.

Imagine you have an Ice Stone, and I have an Ice Stone.

And I have a melter, here it is, you watching?

And my melter. Reaches acroooooss the room.

And starts to melt. Your Ice Stone.





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Hard to be Soft

So there’s this restaurant that gives you a free bee- *ahem* alcoholic beverage if you purchase more than $30 worth of food. Or $40.

I don’t know. I can’t remember that well.

So I got some food, got some more food, got a free beverage, got to show off my shiny new driver’s license, and maybe bought some more of the stuff.

Driving is scary. Like holy crap, what the hell are people thinking when they get behind the wheel of a car? Intensely painful and speedy death is mere seconds away at all times. I know I was thinking “oh god oh god I’m going to die holy christ I’m going to die oh god oh god.”

And you know what? I have no shame in saying that. I’ve driven a lump of forged steel down a road constructed out of pain and the tears of tortured children. Meanwhile, other metal of contraptions roar past, their pilots screaming obscenities out the window at me and shaking various limbs.

This may be because I never once let the speedometer (pronounced “speedo meter”) go any higher than 25 kilometers an hour. I think an old lady passed me and called me “grandma”.

Screw it. I’m alive, my heart is beating and my digestive system is processing a pound of pizza. (more…)

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It’s Raping My Nose!

Much has been made of these newfanged “morality” style quests. Rohan, for instance, railed long and hard against them, and more recently, little “death by fire” gnomey has had some… issues with the whole deal.

My question is this: where and how, precisely, does the whole idea of “morals” translate to the game?

The real me would probably think twice (or three or four times) before killing another person, would never intentionally torture someone, and most certainly wouldn’t mindlessly slaughter hundreds of annoying things (as much as the real me would like to).

The in game me, the Euripedes, the terrifying mage inside me, wouldn’t hesitate to do any of those things.

Sentence a tribe of Furbolg to death? Sure thing!

Extinguish the leaders of the Scarlet Monastery? Done and done!

Slaughter dozens of alliance children? FOR THE HORDE!

Kill fifty elves on a whim? It’ll be fun! (more…)

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Why is This on Fire?

I’m probably not the first one to observe this, but has anyone noticed that Ret Pallies are the primary source of Mage QQ? I’m serious!

The largest group of people yelling that mages need nerfs? Ret Paladins. All those threads that start with “mages are overpowered” or “arcane is OP”? Nearly all of them started by a Ret Paladin or a Ret Paladin’s alt.

Occasionally, a warlock or a warrior, or even a hunter, will show up and cry, but most of them are Ret Paladins.

What gives?

Is there some sort of weird logic where Ret Pallies think that they’re forum avatar will confuse people? It does look very similar to a mage’s avatar, and an untrained eye could easily miss the distinction. Even the symbol doesn’t really help. A glowing stick with a knobby bit on the end or a glowing stick with a somewhat larger knobby bit on the end.

If you’re ever in doubt, the Ret Paladins will be the ones screaming for the mage class to be nerfed. Occasionally, you’ll see a mage calling for nerfs; don’t be alarmed, this is merely a Ret Paladin in a clever disguise.

Why the hate? Why the spewing of bile?

What did we mages ever do to you? (more…)

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(Read the original post.)

If any horde are out there and wish to boycott this battleground, good for you. This battleground has been cleverly designed by Blizzard to cause the Horde to fail consistently.

The premise is simple. Alliance always starts on offence, Horde always starts on defence. Therefore, Horde will always lose.

Alliance have essentially abandoned Alterac Valley. This means that all the alliance who would normally be in AV are elsewhere, namely Strand of the New and Exciting.

All SotA battles start out the same way. Five or six Horde on defence, and fifteen alliance on offence. Additional Horde trickle in over the course of round 1, but it’s always too late to make a difference. Typically, alliance just rolls over everything and caps within three or four minutes.

And then psychology kicks in, dooming Horde to an eternity of staring at “Alliance Wins!”.

Let’s say you are given a task. You have ten minutes to do this task. Not a lot of pressure there.

Now, you are given the same task, except now you are given four minutes to do it. It’s the same job, nothing has changed. Except now the pressure is massively increased, because you have less than half the original time to do it.

This causes the Horde to experience a significant amount of stress and frustration. This quickly slips into a sort of berserker rage, rendering the player unable to think coherently. (more…)

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Friendly Fire?


What’d I do?! WHAT’D I DOOO?!

Warmage should be in an game title. Really. With requirements like:

  • Exalted with Kirin Tor
  • Heroic Malygos kill
  • Complete extremely long quest chain that you get from Rhonin, culminating in a mage only Caverns of Time instance where you get to do a Sam Fisher impersonation against the Infinite Dragonflight during the War of the Ancients
  • A thingy
  • Some other thing
  • Have Polymorph Pig and Turtle
  • Possess quite a few PvP kills. Something like 50k. Can’t be a Warmage without going to war, can you?

Lukem also needs a name change. Just replace that “L” with an “N”, and then have this script where Mumplina is complaining about how he never shows up.

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Onyxia has now been solod by every class in the game, except rogues. Whats up, rogues? Come on!

Faxmonkey is only the most famousest mage in the history of WoW. Don’t know who he is? Well, it’s time you learn.

And lo, for Faxmonkey did wake up, and loggeth into his account. Whereupon, being restless, spoke thusly:

“Today… today, I shall kill a dragon.”

Thus spake Faxmonkey, and thus it was done.

You can get the video of his kill here, at Warcraft Movies. The music is very strange. You have been warned.

His talent spec looked like this.

His strategy revolved around how Incanter’s Absorption interacts with Ice Barrier and… you know what? I’ll let him tell you… (more…)

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There are two version of Brilliance Aura. The WWIII version restored a flat mp5 value to all friendly mana users around the mage. The WoW version (the one Jaina uses) doubles their spirit value.

Both would need to be reworked significantly for use in WoW. The spirit doubling version only severely exacerbates the issue that needs to be fixed in the first place. (Your house is on fire? Here’s a bucket full of gasoline) and severely restricts the classes it would be useful for.

The mp5 version is a little more interesting.

First off, mages have traditionally not been a utility raid class, and you can bet there will be plenty who complain about becoming one.

Mages don’t particularly want to be a utility class in the same vein that, say, shaman and paladins are. Yes, we bring things to a raid other than raw damage (CC, biscuits, portals, an intellect buff, raid wide spell crit), though it’s not nearly to the same level that other classes bring. (more…)

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Musings on Achievements

To me, achievements are a way to mark accomplishments for things that are off the beaten track; things that players would normally receive no recognition for.

Traditionally, the only time players ever received recognition for their in-game exploits was via gear and special titles. These were generally reserved for top end raiders and PvP guys.

The achievement system puts in a place that allows players to be recognized for what they do, whether that is raid old school bosses, do a bajillion quests, explore everything, or die repeatedly to Hogger for hours.

In previous years, I never really cared for the holiday stuff. I mean, it was there, and I would usually do some of the stuff to break from the tedium, but I never really paid any attention to them.

With these achievements, now I actually have a reason to do them.

It’s something to do to break up the standard “raid, instance, farm, PvP” cycle, and do something offbeat and strange. (more…)

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