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Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

And Now for the Punchline

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Sick Muse

Again with the post title snagged from whatever was playing in winamp.

ON BIRTHDAY WISHES

Happy (belated) Birthday Krizzlybear!

I recently realized that last time I raided frost, my DPS was somewhat lower than I expected because I fucking fail at frost mage so very hard.

See, you know how the Brain Freeze lets you fire an instant cast Frostfire Bolt?

Yeah.

Uh.

Woops.

I have no birthday present to offer you, krizzly, just know that when I realized my fail, I facepalmed so hard I created a sonic boom, I thought of you.

Wait… what. No, that came out wrong.

Uhhh….

ON LOBOTOMIZED BLOGGERS

Hoo boy.

A disclaimer saying “this is a joke guys come on what the hell people” that takes multiple paragraphs to say in an effort not to offend the delicate sensibilities of the wow.com audience.

That is exactly why I like being a little blog with a little audience. No disclaimers here, oh no kind sirs and madams! I will call you my bitches, and I will mean it, and you will laugh, and then you will realize it was a Daikatana reference, and then you will cry. WELCOME TO CQQ.

And here I do quote what I would have done, had I been the mage columnist at wow.com and had to handle the wow.com readership:

To everyone who got so indignant after the warlockian Arcane Brilliance was posted, crowing over and over about how April Fools was last week and this is a news site, that you come here for news, not to be tricked, and you will now go elsewhere for your news: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh what? What was that? I insulted your sensibilities? Was your tiny delicate world upset by a tiny deviation in your schedule? Are you so fundamentally retarded that you actually consider wow.com a premier news site? (There goes my chance to ever write there, lol.) How many times were you dropped on your head as a child that such blatant sarcasm actually tricked you? How pathetic can you possibly be to think “/unsubscribe” is actually a threat to anyone?

OH NOES I HURT YOUR FEELINGS MY BAD HERE’S A LOLLIPOP.

wait what I didn't mean it that way oh god what is this my name isn't even henry WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR MOUTH

On a related note, why do warlocks complain so much about hunters? Warlocks screw hunters over so hard it’s barely even funny. Of course, hunters screw over mages so hard that maybe warlocks are just jealous?

Why don’t we all play nice and go dominate us some paladins, eh? Eh? Fine, fuck you guys too. Never liked you trigger happy gunmongers and fear spamming douchemonkeys anyway.

I tried to be nice, and look what it got me. Scatter trapped deathcoil feared can’t do that while silenced. FFFFFFF.

ON THAT ROBERT DOWNEY JR MOVIE WHERE EVERYONE PRETENDS HE’S SHERLOCK HOLMES FOR SOME REASON

I did like the movie. It was extremely faithful to the actual, original, non-white-washed-by-society Sherlock Holmes.

I never did understand why Holmes was ever made out to be some hoity toity lawful good uber hero. The dude gets so high he has magic adventures with watson and his magical mayonnaise unicorn when he gets bored. Holmes is the original gritty detective! He’d be right at home in Sin City!

But, as there is always a but.

Downey did not, to me, come across as Holmes. Everyone else was brilliant (especially Judge Law, that is his name right?), but… Downey did not make a good Holmes. I wasn’t watching Holmes and Watson shimmy about solving crime, I was watching Robert Downey Jr and Watson shimmy about solving crime.

I can’t really describe it beyond that. Downey just never convinced me that he was something other than Downey. His fault? Director’s fault? My fault? Don’t know, but hell that was hard to get past.

ON ROGER EBERT

“Vidja games ain’t bein’ art!”

Yeah, yeah, shut up ya old coot.

ON WOLVAR ORPHAN

I got this on the mage last year, and was thoroughly “meh” towards it. Busted it out a few times in Ulduar, but nowadays if I have a pet out it’s lil KT. Even after all this time, the laugh. The laugh!

Got it on the paladin this year. Now, somehow, this pet is completely different. Completely. It is exactly the same as it was when I did the quest on the mage a year ago, but somehow… somehow the paladin loves the little guy.

I gave him hugs (violent ones, I am a ret paladin you know), flew around on a dragon, pointed and laughed at the humans in Dalaran, mocked walrusmen… me and likkle Kekek had an absolute blast.

And when the quest was over… I dunno, apparently I had a stroke. I was genuinely sad that my adventures with little Kekek as at an end.

Apparently I forgot that he mailed himself to me not ten seconds later. I promptly treated him to a steak dinner.

Then I logged off and played my shaman for a while, and could not for the life of me remember why the hell I cared so much about some stupid non-combat pet.

Until I logged back into the paladin, summoned the thing, and my heart absolutely melted all over again and I found myself gibbering like a fool, running around in Thunder Bluff, likkle Kekek on my back, and we bustled around making cow tipping jokes.

Is… is this what RP is like? I feel like I am going mad.

And yes, I am avoiding battlegrounds completely due to orphan week.

I know, I know, everyone and their orphan are blithering about orphan week (AGAIN), but look. I PvP because it actually takes a reasonable amount of skill to do well at it. We can argue all we want about relative BG skill levels, but suffice to say playing a BG well takes significantly more effort on my part than questing, running dungeons or raiding. Hence my interest.

I have no interest in tearing into battlegrounds and destroying all the dazed and confused people just trying to get an achievement done. I’d go spend some time with a test dummy in Orgrimmar if all I wanted to do was beat on pinatas for a while.

Let’s be honest here. Quite a few of those trying to do this achievement are little more than pinatas. These are people who would otherwise never venture into a battleground. More often than not, they don’t even fight back. They just stand there, waiting for the inevitable end.

It’s worse when they do fight back. My heart is filled with pity. Just… what are you doing. It is absolutely sad to watch. Like watching some poor child whose mother drank herself to liver poisoning during each trimester; watching this child fail at the most basic of tasks; watching them struggle to even turn themselves around.

And I do quote myself, written May 5th, 2009:

What I mind is all these poor sods queueing up for battlegrounds that haven’t the foggiest idea how to PvP, whether it’s on the tactical or strategical level.

A mage sporting naxx-25 gear with some Ulduar stuff sporting a server first kill of Sartharion and a raiding arcane spec is an impressive sight, no doubt.

But on the PvP front? He becomes nothing more than a hunk of meat hurled at the jaws of a hungry dog. Honestly, with only 15k health and zero resilience, I’m watching him only to see how fast he can die.

Read the post in its entirety here. Still relevant today, despite being a year old. Fancy that.

It breaks my heart to watch. Honorable kill my ass, there is nothing honorable in defeating an unarmed cardboard box in a duel.

This year, I refuse to participate.

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Damplify Magic is gone, and Frost and Fire Ward are biting the dust, that we know “for sure”. What other magey things are getting the expansion banhammer?

Maybe teleports/portals are being simplified so that we have one button to port/teleport wherever we wish, similar to how an engineer’s Northrend wormhole machine works. Summon one thing, and then just select your destination from there.

Maybe Mana Shield will finally die.

It’s not that I dislike Mana Shield, really, it’s just that it is such a poor ability. And I don’t mean just WoW’s version of Mana Shield, I mean every single rendition of Mana Shield in every single game ever that has featured such a mechanic. Admittedly I haven’t played every RPG ever, but I would be quite surprised to find a game that featured a mana shield mechanic that was actually decent.

Decent as in “balanced and has a point”. The mana shield mechanic in, say, Fable, was truly excellent in that it could make you immortal and give you unlimited experience. WoW has one of the best versions of Mana Shield I’ve seen, but this doesn’t really have anything to do with mana shield itself. (more…)

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Pointless Filler Post is Pointless

I hate so very many things.

Illogical hatred, the kind of hatred that simply consumes your entire mind in an instant inferno of indescribable rage. A rage that, if it was in a game and possessed a tooltip, would say “ATYAGI*)(&!B %GBH!@HB DAGUDY!!!JDH KAHF@NF”. A rage so total and complete the only thing that exists is the flaming black hate, the sort of rage where you wake up several minutes later, standing over the broken body of someone you don’t recognize and no memory of the past several minutes, fists soaked in blood.

The worst part is that you usually have no idea what will trigger one of these horrific slaughter fests. Something or someone comes along, pushes a button you didn’t even know you have, and then several hours later you’re trying to explain to the police why you have a necklace threaded with human teeth.

These are not logical hatreds. For example, I hate it when mosquitoes fly into my ear, or even close to my ear. I have destroyed walls when mosquitoes do this. But this is a logical hatred. If you think it isn’t, then you have simply never experienced a mosquito flying around near your ear.

This is a long list of things I hate. Profanity is to be expected from here on out, because all of these topics make me try to type with fists instead of fingers.

(I mean extremely long. I mean in excess of two thousand words long. If you like my rants, I will never be able to top this one. This one’s for you Lazreth. Winky Emoticon.) (more…)

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I suppose I should start with the obvious: Death Knights.

Death Knights… well, they didn’t actually do so great this expansion. They completely dominated in season 5, due to being broken, and then various fixes and nerfs brought them to being the lowest represented class in every bracket and utterly worthless in two brackets outright.

To make a quick point, there’s a difference between something being broken and something being overpowered. In season 5, DKs were so fantastic because the majority of their damage came from Icy Touch, a ranged instant ability that they can come really close to spamming if they wanted to. Which they did, because it hit really hard.

This, to me, isn’t an example of something that’s overpowered. Overpowered would be a 50% damage reduction Icebound Fortitude every minute. Spamming Icy Touch for massive damage was not overpowered, that was outright broken. It was never meant to work that way, wasn’t designed to work that way, and thus was (eventually, Blizzard was way too slow in nerfing Icy Touch spam) fixed so it didn’t work that way.

To give another example, Bladestorm dealing too much damage would be considered overpowered. However, popping Sweeping Strikes then Bladestorm because it deals more damage to a single target isn’t overpowered, that is broken.

Yes, a class that has broken abilities can definitely be overpowered. A bladestorming warrior using sweeping strikes to beat the stuffing out of a single target is definitely overpowered. But that bladestorming warrior isn’t overpowered because of bladestorm, it is because the interaction between bladestorm and sweeping strikes is broken. A fine distinction to be sure, but it is nevertheless an important distinction.

So, with that out of the way, back to death knights. (more…)

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Guildies And/Or Friends

Inspiration comes from two places, I Sheep Things… and Righteous Orbs.

A guild is many things. A tag over your head you can be proud of. A collection of excellent players you love to play the game with. A guild bank a bunch of hardcore raiders congregate about. A vent server filled with discussion, abuse, commands shouted at a finely tuned war team, friendly discussion.

A guild can be as varied as the people that make it up, because ultimately, a guild is people. A guild is not a collection of data in pixels in a virtual world, it is something far more than that.

A song is more than just a series of noises at differing wavelengths. A book is more than a collection of really thin tree slices with ink scattered upon it.

The structure of guild, its virtual framework, is just that. A frame. What it is framing is entirely up to the people involved.

Without a picture, a frame is pointless junk. An empty husk, void of meaning.

This is why I have never understood guild loyalty. A guild is nothing without people, it isn’t real in any sense of the word. Why would somebody be loyal to something that can be destroyed instantly by single person typing /gdisband? Would you be loyal to a table? At least it would take effort to destroy a table! (more…)

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Cataclysm Will Fix It!

(This rant was written many weeks ago, so complaints about PvP burst may seem a little hollow now, but hey, QQ is QQ and that’s why you’re here, right?)

I’m getting really tired of this sentiment.

An open note to Blizzard:

WE ARE NOT PLAYING CATACLYSM. WE ARE PLAYING WRATH OF THE LICH KING.

I have problems with DPS!

Don’t worry, we have plans for Cataclysm.

Such and such is an unwieldy, stupid mechanic!

Don’t worry, we’ll get it fixed for Cataclysm.

Healing is so spiky and spammy. This isn’t fun at all!

Don’t worry, we’ll increase health pools in Cataclysm.

PvP is way too bursty!

Cataclysm will fix it.

My class is terrible!

Cataclysm will fix it.

That class is overpowered!

Cataclysm will fix it.

We aren’t having problems tanking the packs of adds Ragnaros summons. We are having problems tanking now. Death Knights aren’t having problems producing snap aggro on an add Digimon the Flaming Hamburger spawns in Molten Core Two: Revenge of the Core Hounds. Death Knights are having problems producing snap aggro right now.

Healers aren’t having problems with tanks getting two shot in Cataclysm. Healers aren’t forced to spam in Cataclysm. PvP isn’t too bursty in Cataclysm.

We aren’t having any of these problems in Cataclysm, because we aren’t playing goddamn Cataclysm!

We are having these problems in the game we are actually playing, right now.

I get it. I understand. You can’t just start sledgehammering changes into the game. You can’t just, say, double the damage reduction resilience provides without serious testing first (oh wait…).

But, you gotta do something. Repeating “Cataclysm will fix it” over and over again is getting extremely old.

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Intolerant of Incompetence

EDIT: Apparently this post is nearly identical to one posted by Rilgon over at SES. So… you can read that one instead and basically get the exact same message.

Ok, let’s be clear here. I get playing “casual”; whatever definition you want to use. Dedicating hours a day into simulation engines, researching your class, finagling with gearing and gem choices for minimal gain… I get that it isn’t for everyone. I get that not everyone wants to spend nine hours a week raiding. I get that not everyone has any desire to throw themselves at the hardest raid content Blizzard has designed.

What I don’t get is why being utterly incompetent, why not even attempting to be any good at anything is somehow acceptable these days.

If you follow any blogs besides mine whatsoever, or occasionally listen to your friends, you’ve heard of horrendous, epic fail PuG groups. You’ve heard of the hunter wearing mp5 gear, the arms warrior trying to tank with 443 defense and DW daggers, or the legions of DKs struggling to maintain 300 DPS. (more…)

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Nobody Gives a Shit

As I type this Friday evening, I still can’t feel my feet. (more…)

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Gear Gap Bullshit

Story time. Both from a ret pally perspective and mage perspective.

Mister rogue wearing PvP blues wielding daggers he managed to dredge up from some heroic opens with cheap shot. Being a pally, I just sit there and wait for kidney. Pow, there it is, blow freedom on myself, and now the cooldown blowing competition begins. The rogue has dropped me to 95%.

Mister rogue wearing furious and relentless gear wielding 1800 rating daggers opens with cheap shot. Again, I wait for kidney. Pow, there it is, blow freedom, and the rogue has me at 60%.

The blue wearing rogue in crap gear opens on me with cheap shot. Being a mage, I just sit there and wait for kidney. There it is, I blink, at 90% health, and the rogue tries his damndest, but the poor guy just can’t touch me.

The elite gear wearing rogue opens on me with… not cheap shot, but Garrote. I can’t blink, being silenced, and he uses Eviscerate as a finisher and I’m dead literally 4 seconds after the fight started.

This isn’t QQ, not yet anyway. Rogues tear clothies apart pretty easy, I don’t wear a lot of resilience, arcane shatter mages aren’t very good against melee classes anyways, and it’s my fault I didn’t use a cooldown of some sort to survive the opener.

Point is, the geared-out-the-ass rogue could tear me apart like I was made of tissue. The one who, more than likely, is a fresh 80 could blow every cooldown he has and still not kill me, even if I didn’t use any. (more…)

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