Lowbie LFG

So far, I have played three different characters through the Dungeon Finder tool. A destruction warlock, early twenties; a prot warrior, mid 40s; a discipline priest, early sixties.

Queue times, oddly enough, are basically exactly the same as they are for 80 heroics. The queue as a DPS warlock usually runs about ten to twenty minutes, the queue time as a healer is always under a minute, and the queue time for a tank is instant. Which is just bloody fantastic! Tanking is surprisingly fun, but I could be horribly misguided at the moment.

See, I’ve tanked Zul’Farrak twice now. That is the extent of my tanking experience. However, I ran Zul’Farrak with a holy priest specced into (and glyphed for!) Lightwell. I was a bit “wtf” at the start, but mr. priest kept pounding that “use the lightwell! USE IT!” drum pretty damn hard, so I figured what the hey. Thunder Clap keeps aggro pretty well by itself, I can afford to deselect my target for a second.

Turns out? That Lightwell we all mock churns out slightly over 500 health every two seconds, or basically 1500 health over six seconds. That’s pretty dang powerful for a lowbie instance, considering that’s half my hitpoints.

It also meant that, once I’d gotten used to using Lightwell, mr. priest was encouraging me to start pulling absolutely insane amounts of mobs. As long as I tanked them near enough to where Lightwell was, I had powerful on demand heals, in addition to whatever the priest threw my way too.

The result? Crazy shit, like:

• Pulling Ghaz’wanker or whatever that thing is called and two trash packs (a total of eleven mobs, I counted) at once.
• When the “Let the executions begin!” event thing at the pyramid started? Yeah, I just ran down to the bottom and grabbed everything. Then we had to wait for respawn because we killed everything too fast.
• You know those tombs by that one priest boss? You click on them, and sometimes you get helpful stuff and sometimes mummies spawn and eat your face? Try popping a third of them all at once. Then the next third without even stopping. Then the next. Then the boss.

I was acting like I was running lowbies through some lowbie instance. Except, you know, I was only two levels higher than the mobs I was pulling in the dozens.

But I gotta say… I’m really hurting for some mobility. I don’t get Warbringer until level 50, and I want it sooo baaad. To be able to charge into combat instead of lumbering about like a tard in plate? Do want. Do want very much.

Lowbie DPS is… well, it’s about the same as the upper levels. I pull 100 DPS at level 22 if anything lives long enough for me to shadowbolt more than twice, and here I am grouped with rogues who struggle to find the sinister strike button (hint: bind it to spacebar, all the good rouges do) and face pull four trash packs and a boss all at once.

I always try and use my imp… usually I switch to my voidwalker about the second pull. I have yet to meet a tank who has more HP than my voidwalker, and even the competent tanks (of which there are many) struggle in the face of DPS so incredibly stupid that publishing their exploits would cause mass suicide amongst my more delicate readers.

Speaking of incredible stupidity, my first time healing in Outlands as a disc priest starred a deathknight named Vanquish. Vanquish, of course, was the hugest cockmonger I have ever seen this side of arenas. There was also a mage who had replaced his mana bar with some sort of vaguely orange substance labeled “unmitigated failure.”

The instance was Slave Pens, and we get to the part where you jump off the bridge thingy and land in that pool of water. The mage slowfalled himself and somehow managed to pull every single trash pack on the floor there. About fifteen mobs ran right into the party, and me being the doofus I am, shielded the tank and was immediately curbstomped.

Total party wipe, and everyone releases and runs back. And by everyone I mean “everyone who isn’t the tank.”

One DPS didn’t die, he’s a rogue, rogue’s don’t die as long as they have a vanish button to push. So me, the fail mage, and whoever the other DPS is all run back. The mage… doesn’t zone in somehow? I see him alive, but where the hell is he? The other DPS tries to run back to where we were, gets lost, dies, drops the party.

Meanwhile, I’ve almost made it back to our wipe spot, and the tank, Mr raging doucheknight Vanquish, says he went to get a drink and some food and blah blah.

Great, so, release and run you lazy bastard. (Yes, I actually did say that. I’m not very subtle.)

He sits there.

I get all the way back to where we wiped. I jump off the edge, but instead of landing in water, I land on… well, land. I die instantly from the falling damage of course.

LOL WOOPS LOOKS LIKE I DIED. GUESS I’LL HAVE TO RUN IN AGAIN.

He gets the point, releases and runs. Good doucheboat! Good! Here, have a muffin. It’s garlic and pineapple flavoured.

You know that addon that pops up in party chat whenever you complete a quest objective?

One of those pops up from the fail mage. Hurray he just completed a quest!

This is immediately followed by “woops I zoned out” then he quits the party.

Anyway we get two more DPS and finish the dungeon. Vanquish says “alright, I’m done for the night” to forestall any “again?” comments, and quits out. I quit out, requeue, and it’s Blood Furnace.

LO AND BEHOLD, the tank is Vanquish.

“Hi Vanquish” says I. “Done for the night, huh?”

He says nothing.

We down the first boss easy enough, plate gloves drop, and Vanquish is ecstatic as hell. YES, FINALLY, and all that.

Then he drops group immediately after receiving his loot.

Now, maybe this is just me, but aren’t people supposed to try and get on a healer’s good side? You know, so they group with you again? Acting so poorly that a healer puts you on ignore seems kinda dumb to me.