Paranoid? Who Says I'm Paranoid?

I know I am. And generally always have been. Often cripplingly so.

BROWSER PARANOIA

I never use Internet Explorer, for anything. Firefox all the way.

I use the Noscript addon, and very, very few scripts are allowed. Not even sitemeter.com is allowed. And the ones I do allow are usually set with a temporary allowance.

I use not one, but two key scramblers. One for general purpose typing (yes, what you’re reading right now went through a key scrambler), and the other for passwords (including in-game passwords).

I use the full privoxy/foxyproxy package for every single site I visit, in addition to always running TOR.

All of my passwords are complicated, but easily so. I don’t use thos massive 24-character shenanigans, my passwords are in the 8-10 digit area. Toughish to crack, but still easy enough to remember. Something like:

)OKRn7bv&

And yes, that is a genuine password I used for my WoW account.

LEGAL PARANOIA

I probably have a phobia of signing documents. Even the simplest things, like “sign here to recieve $900 because you got laid off”, I read with great care, and always read the small print.

And before you ask, yes, I have read Blizzar’ds EULA and such all the way through… every patch…

Even medical documents I try to avoid at all costs. If you find a way into my government held medical records, it will look something like this:

• Age 0 – Born
• Age 7 – Hospitalized for infection of the left ankle
• Age 18 – Hospitalized for dislocated right elbow

Yep. That’s it.

And I am utterly terrified of the government finding out more about me. I like being anonymous. Filling out Tax Returns, making health insurance claims – they frighten me.

“What if they find out where I live?!”

Well obviously, it’s the friggin government, they know exactly where I live, but still. This is how my mind works.

PARANOIA PARANOIA

Have you heard anything about google trends? It’s a way for google to track exactly what you search for.

And, presumably, eventually sell that information to marketing companies so they can figure out what to sell you.

Don’t believe me? Check this out.

Starbucks is working on a system that will be able to call your cellphone whenever you walk past, or near, a Starbucks, offering some special deal on one of your favorite drinks.

Well guess what. Most modern cell phones have GPS, so they can track exactly where you are at all times, and they know what you’re drinking habits are.

And Starbucks is expecting to have this system up and running next year.

If you buy a new BMW, there are billboard signs set up now that will display a personalized ad whenever an owner of a BMW drives past it. The sign displays the name registered to the car right after the word “Hello” followed by some other meaningless message like “How are you today?”

Point is, not only does a billboard know who you are, but where you are.

So several things with this. I will never, ever own a cell phone. Not ever. There is nothing you can do to convince to own a cellphone.

You could have pictures of me naked with two camels with a garden hose and a telescope, and I won’t buy a cellphone.

I am also deeply paranoid about people figuring out what my buying habits are. That’s why I will probably never own a credit card, only a simple debit card. And even then, I will use cash for nearly everything. I head to my bank’s ATM, withdraw a hundred bucks or whatever is needed, and use that.

If I need to make an especially large withdrawal, I’ll go to a teller and withdraw from there.

The reason? Simply to have as small of a financial electronics trail as possible.

And the whole google thing? Tracking what you “google”? Of course I didn’t sign up for it. I never will.

And just to be on the safe side, I currently google something at random every time I genuinely google something, just to throw them off if I’m being watched…

I google “Leveling Protection Paladin“, and once I have my answer to that, I google “popular kleenex brands”.

I google “30 Days of Night” to see what the movie is, and then I do a search for “Proton bubble chamber”.

Say I’m looking for this song I heard on the radio, “Me gustas tu” or somesuch, I’ll follow that up with a search for “placenta recipes”.

Yes, I am THAT paranoid.

This is why I have logged into my facebook account a grand total of 8 times, and never will again. This is after I had already created, then abandoned, another facebook account under a fake name.

This is why I trust almost nobody online with my “RL” name.

This is why I will never, ever post my picture anywhere, ever. Just no. Not going to happen.

There is a webcam built into my laptop. I have a tiny piece of cardboard taped over it on the off chance somebody figures out how to remotely activate it.

Why am I telling you all this?

I figured it’s time y’all got to know me a little better.

That, and to give you some background as to why I will suddenly bring up weird topics like a Darth Vader hot air balloon or a support group for men with extraordinarily large genitals.

It’s all ’cause I am deeply, deeply paranoid.

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