Dear Female WoW Bloggers

I may say some things I’m going to regret, but since when is that a reason to not say it?

This is an open letter to all the female WoW Bloggers out there:

You have ruined women for me.

This is not a come on, this is not a series of a pick up lines, this is an honest to God complaint.

Every last one of you is clever.

Every single one of you is intelligent.

All of you have serious nerd cred. You theorycraft about mp5. You delve into shot rotations. You are top PvP players, You are the go to person for playing WoW on Linux.

You know who you are. And you should be ashamed of yourselves.

If you’re this nerdy, your supposed to be deformed, and smell like old ham or something.

Instead, you have the gall to be cute. How dare you? I demand you throw yourselves into a grease fire!

I think back to all the hot girls I knew in High School, and invariably they were either total morons, dimwitted airheads, or dense.

My thoughts, such as they are, trapped in the brain of a young lad, used to see an attractive woman and think “Damn, she’s hot” or “Mighty fine rear end she has”.

Now, I think “Ehh, she’s probably a moron”.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

You have successfully forced me to unconsciously set a bar so high, I have lost interest entirely in most women.

In other words, the gals I’m interested in these days are quick witted, clever, capable of chatting at great length about video games, mods, or other such nerdy stuff, and still manage to be, dare I say it, “hot”.

To the boyfriends/husbands of these women: I envy you. And if you ever leave a girl such as this, pray I don’t meet you, because I will end you.

Oh, yes, and one other female related topic. Eat something! I do not want to see your ribcage!

If I can see your bones, my initial reaction is to get you to the hospital as fast as possible. The only reason I should ever see a woman’s bones is if they have suffered some horrible accident, such as being hit by a bus.

Eat a cheeseburger! Put on a few pounds! Skin and bones is unacceptable, I demand flesh!