Le Internetz, It Duz Nuh Thingk!

This has been a very strange week for me.

I dislocated my shoulder (the right one), which is rather odd since a year ago, almost to the day, I dislocated my right elbow. This frightens me on several levels. If this blog is still next April/May, I’m sure I’ll be sitting here chatting about how I dislocated my right knee or ankle or, I dunno, eardrum or something.

So natch, go to the hospital, get some Morphine pumped into me, then pan killer drugs for the rest of the month. So I started out the week in a… mentally altered state. This was Monday, by the way. Or Tuesday. It was near the starting of the week, and it wasn’t Sunday. It was definitely before Wednesday, because I was playing Half Life 2 then. I think.

So I dislocated my shoulder Montuesday, get back home, life goes on. Hey, it’s Tuesday night, why don’t we go raid? I’m so drugged up I’m not really good for anything else anyways. I suit up, we port right on over to Mount Hyjal, down Rage Winterchill, and move on to Anatheron. I think that’s his name. I would check, but I can’t remember how to open a second tab in Firefox. And I hate Internet Explorer. It looks at me funny when I sleep. HE HAD GIANT FLAMING THINGS. Down goes Anetheron. No loot for me, but I got badges! So off we go to Tempest Keep, figure we’ll quickly bat down Solarian. At this point of the night we only have 4 (FOUR) healers, so there really isn’t anything else we can try at this point.

And that’s when my internet connection goes squirrelly. The raid was standing still after we killed a bunch of trash, and I noticed that two people were doing that “run in one spot” thing. I sighed, we were already short staffed for the night, we couldn’t really afford to lose two more peo-DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER.

Uh oh.

Log back in, no problem. Huh. That was DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER. Paranoia sets in. Who’s trying to log into my account? So I head on over to worldofweownyoursoulandyoulikeit.com to change my password. Hmm. Can’t connect to the website? Odd. Try google.

That’s not connecting either.

Skype is offline. Ventrilo is offline.

I’ve got 15 seconds until the next trash pull goes down. There’s a mob assigned to me for sheeping, I hope they notice I’m not online anymore. What if the game never displayed the “Euripedes has gone offline” message? It usually doesn’t when you suddenly get disconnected. I wasn’t moving either, so there isn’t a “He’s running in place, he’s obviously disconnected” thing either.

Ok, Internet back up, Vent is online, just in time to hear “Why the hell is that mob running around?”

Aww, dammit.

So I speak up about my sudden interent connection issues. Or rather, attempted to. I disconnected twice during my explanation.

The rest of that night’s raid was a blur of psychopathic hilarity.

Hearing Dinah (the GM) laughing and saying “You don’t need to resheep that, I’m just building threat” after I continually resheeped a mob that the paladin tank was attacking. From my end, everybody had stopped moving, so I panicked and started mashing my Polymorph macro, praying to the heathen gods that all will be well.

Gleefully shouting “IT LIVES!” after a particularly long disconnection, and Dinah saying “Who was that so I can mute them forever”. Apparently I sounded like I had the mike in the middle of a table in an empty room, crouching on top of the mike and shouting at it.

The entire raid wiped on one very bad trash pull. Except me, ’cause I was disconnected.

I also wiped the raid on Solarian. That whole Wrath of Solarian thing isn’t so friendly to people who disconnect a minute into the fight. Especially when all you hear in Vent before it goes offline is “Rip-”. Panic mode sets in, I mash autorun, blink, Ice Block, even Fireblast so maybe I can pull aggro and kill myself before I kill the raid.

Log back in, I am somewhere very high in the air, a large collection of corpses flying around me. Solarian is running around killing the remains of the raid.

And then no disconnections. Raid gets called, we port out, I go sell some junk, visit my bank, all goes well. So I type in guild chat, rather angrily, “Oh sure. Now that the raid’s over, my internet connection is just fine!”.

As the Laws of Comedy state, “Irony is an unstoppable force”. Right after typing that, Internet connection goes down, and stays down.

Remember how I dislocated my shoulder? The morphine and so forth? Never occured to me that I should call my provider to get my connection fixed.

So I fired up Half Life 2, decided to play through that. It was shortly after 11pm here. Seven hours later, I’m in the Ravenholm level, and I call it quits for the night. Or rather until I woke up at noon and then kept playing, forgetting about a little something called “food”.

12 hours later, I decide it would be a good idea to eat.

I then spent a full hour and a half on the highway section right after you first fight the battle chopper flyer… thingy. A full HOUR and a HALF. I couldn’t figure out where to go! Then I realized the gate I was supposed to drive through was glitched and still shut. Reloaded to the last autosave, oh hey look. The gate opened. Off we go!

It was about 9am when I finally finished the game. I had breakfast at about 4:30pm, then played right through Episode One, then Episode Two. Back to bed, I have no idea when. The sun was up. Internet still wasn’t working.

Played some Rock Band. Played a lot of Rock Band.

Played some Halo with some friends. We played for twelve hours straight. No breaks. None. Whatsoever. Then I came home, and forlornly sat in front of my internetless computer, pretending I was running a level 1 Tauren around getting killed by evil things.

I promised myself I would be there. I had my guy ready to go and everything.

See?

And I missed it all. Again.

So as a rundown of my week.

I wrecked my arm again. Internet went down, and I spent far too long playing videogames. Now, my sleep schedule is so off I have no idea what day it is, and only have my computer’s word that it is, in fact, May 3rd.

It is now 11:30pm on what is most likely Saturday night, my internet is running fine, and I am now going to go eat my lunch. I’m having grilled cheese!

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Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Stay tuned…
• Willy Wonkers and the Internet
• I hate my internet provider!